Yesterday I had the maddest thirty minutes of my entire mad life.

I was auditioning for character roles in a major video game in which I was asked to portray various emperors, princes, goblins and monsters. I spent these thirty minutes of my life screaming, shouting orders and growling at the very top of my voice.

The crowing moment came with the request: “Could you now do a goblin being eaten alive by a troll?”

The world will never seem quite the same again.